moi

2009-11-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

There's no work in walking in to fuel the talk
I would grab my shoes and then away I'd walk
Through all the stubborn beauty I start at the dawn
Until the sun had fully stopped
Never walking away fromJust a way to pull apart
Dehydrate back into minerals
A life long walk to the same exact spot

Carbon's anniversary
The parting of the sensory
Old old mystery
The parting of the sensory

Who the hell made you the boss?
We placed our chips in all the right spots
But still lost
Any shithead who had ever walked
Could take the ship and do a much finer job
This fit like clothes made out of wasps
Aw, fuck it I guess I lost

The parting of the sensory
Carbon's anniversary
Just part it again if you please
Carbon's anniversary

Who the hell made you the boss
If you say what to do I know what not to stop
If you were the ship then who would ever get on
The weather changed it for the worse
And came down on us like it had been rehearsed
And like we hope, but change will surely come
And be awful for most but really good for some

I took a trip to the exact same spot
We pulled the trigger, but we forgot to cock
And every single shot
Aw, fuck it I guess we lost

Some day you will die and
Somehow something's going to steal your carbon
Some day you will die and
Somehow something's going to steal your carbon
Well some day you will die somehow and
Something's going to steal your carbon
Some day you will die and
Someone's or something's will steal your carbon

Some day something will die and
Somehow you'll figure out how
Often you will die somehow and
Something going to steal your carbon
Well some day you will die somehow and
Something's going to steal your carbon

Am back to posting!!...

Operational Risk!!

2007-07-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

Boss, all that I have done today is sit with the operations people of my division and understand their job. And half a day with them and their work has me seriously riled.
What shit load amount of boring routine monotonous work they do day in and day out. I mean, seriously! This backend jobs phenomenon is completely mind numbing. These guys keep checking papers and uploading stuff every single day! And the work doesnt change at all. Pure paperwork and system related stuff. I seriously admire them. I mean, in half a day, I was properly fried and dried listening to them explain their work, and then finally do it myself. I can not imagine doing this for more then like 20 mins.
That brings me to the question- what exactly is meaningful work? What bosses do? Or what these guys at the back end do? And I remember what a junior had told me when i was gushing about the details of my job to him- he said, good for you, but in the end-its just a job!
It really doesnt matter- you actually are a few thousand dollars in a balance sheet worth around a few hundred million bucks. It's just something you need to do to gain acceptance in society, feel productive ( minus the larger picture), and finance our other more interesting pursuits.
More on this later, a colleague is taking us to dinner. Some of the perks of work! :D

'Spit'ting Headache!

2007-06-27T02:39:00.001-07:00

Man, Mumbai people have some huge big problem swallowing, man...they sure wont gulp down their own dirty spit... be it the normal variety or the betel-nut juice stained variety. It is surely the most pissing off thing in my life, trust me.
Be it in train ticket booking queues, or from the first floor of double decker buses, or into the marine drive sea or the local mandir grounds... they spit everywhere!!
I mean, what the fuck!!... imagine getting drenched in betel nut juice spit standing on the road waiting for a bus, and a sheepish looking gentleman looking down on you from the double decker bus crossing by your side! Imagine standing in queue quitely and someone spitting right in front of you.. imagine going to do some puja barefooted, and finding the bloody road actually bloodied by bloody pan parag juice!!
I have actually told off quite a few people, anyone and everyone who has done that in front of me... in quite strong words, if i may add....and i urge everyone else to do that same.. please dont hesitate to tick them off, preferably with a defined scowl on your face about their horrible horrifying antics... i mean, aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!!... i get the heebie jeebies even when i think about it!!....
I think I will start a morcha or something against these bloody spitters. Wish me luck!!

From the desk of a corporate woman

2007-06-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

Yep!
Thats technically what I am now, a corporate woman!
Its been sometime since I have joined, almost a month now...a full blown job!
The hangover of my educational life remains... this coming to office and working on the comp and catching the local train back seems like a temporary routine which would culminate in me going back to campus and leading the idyllic life that awaits its inhabitants at planet-i...
Only this time, it wont... I am here for good, and this is not ending like forever...I am in this routine rigmarole for good... only I have to realize it!
Work is okay, since it hasnt started yet! I had been gloriously whiling away time till like today...from today I have some training routine starting... its again going to be timepass only, but since there would be deadlines at the end of it, I probably would throw in some seriousness to save my skin!...
But more importantly, I AM IN MUMBAI!
Boy, what a city!! It's huge, it's crowded, it's freaking dirrrrty, it's tough tough tough... and yet, its the city in which I have found my freedom!
Today I came to office in a local train for the first time, and I already had my shock absorbers in place having heard all the nightmarish stories about the famed train journey.. but it was sooo peaceful the journey, that I was kinda disappointed!.. no grand train journey story so far, but going by my luck and my procilivity of attracting the wrong sort of experiences, trust me, they wold pour in by the truckloads soon! Then the blog would come in handy, honeys...
People here are amazing, in an observational sense.. they know they have to be tough to get their way, they would stamp on your feet if it needs to be done... but they would be faintly apologetic about it.. as if, if it were some other place and time, he would have said sorry.... when you see the rush of women getting into the train, they would stomp and stab and pull and grab but never look into your eyes or even look up when they are doing so... as if to say, its not personal, its only business... all's fair in love and war, business and Mumbai baby!
For a month, I stayed at the Taj President at the Cuffe Parade... one loong month of luxury, man... the laundry service, the breakfast and the local call service was free, and boy did we make good use of it!!...
The laundry service was AMAZING, boss... I had my entire wardrobe washed out, worn or unworn, I was so impressed!... and the breakfast, man... huge amount of food, of every kind, and of every type... I honestly think I have eaten my whole life's fill of chicken sausages in this past one month! Trust me, sitting on the breakfast table, with a host of people from across the world in all shapes sizes and colours, and with the unlimited choice of food and in a freshly laundered crisp shirt, I felt like, well, maybe I have arrived... maybe this is it.... maybe I would have these many choices in life from now on...
The key word was maybe... one month is long enough for an awesome short story, but it doesnt a novel make.. I have moved in with a friend in Andheri now.. and the commute is god awful, its simply tooo long... but as n number of people have told me since yesterday, such is life honey..such is real life...
I only had coffee for breakfast today...
I had the taste of the hard life while househunting... the rates in Mumbai are not only exorbitant, but ridiculous and absurd!!... its not funny, people, when you pay 40000 of your bloody hard earned money on some shit hole of a place which actually is a box turned into a 2bhk... hopefully would get a good enough house soon, cause i want some permanence in my life.. I hate shuffling through my suitcase for everything and anything, I dont want to be living out of my bags...I dont want to be a forced vagabond!... I want some place of my own!!
But I have to mention whats stayed with me now... I have met some wonderful people in those who've joined HSBC with me... interesting, nice and fun people.... I have roamed around the city unaccompanied, suffering and surviving the people and the shit that gets thrown at you every single second... i didnt take all of it well, but well, i am here and typing... I have gone to pubs and nightclubs and stayed out dancing till 2, and I hope to death my mom never reads this blog of mine!
And I have discovered Marine Drive... whenever things get out of hand, whenever you are heartbroken, whenever you miss home, or wanna kick your boss or rile against your job, you should go there and sit on the parapet... its a panacea for everything and anything.... it seems all okay in an instant!.. Mumbai actually seems peaceful and inviting from there... the sea seems less dirrty, and more romantic.. and the rains actually add to the charm!... its my tonic, its my haven...i hope it comes to the rescue all the time!
I MISS campus! I miss all my friends, I miss the people, I miss the mess, the timepassing, the vellgiri, the late nights, the daaru parties.. the whole bloody symbiotic, cool, a world-in-itself life....I dont want to start on this anymore, since the post is already quite long... but I wanna go back for a month every year... that was normal, this is absurd.. I want that normalcy back!!
Time out now!
Will mail regularly now, since all other means of communicating to the world is nicely taken away from office... no gmail, no yahoo, no gtalk nothing... when at work, 'live' it!.. when not, piss off... quite difficult, I tell you... life without gtalk is like being vegetarian.. you can still live, but its not the same fun anymore!

Back home.....

2007-05-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Its been a little more than a month I have come back to Kolkata.
Yeah, its been a coming back actually. The 2 years in IIM Indore has actually been an anomaly, bot like the normal part of life it had began to seem like
Now I am home, with my mom and my sisters, and my grandmother and uncle and my dad.

It was funny at first, being back home. I felt like a tourist who had come back to view Kolkata through much-travelled and critical eyes. It was weird to have bengali spoken all around me- after these 2 years of looing for an excuse and a fellow bengali to speak the language.
Earlier the idiosyncratic bengali race seemed perfectly normal to me, now they seem like cartoons in their 'paanjabis' and their wrapped up umbrellas in hand. Kolkata was everything for me in the beginning, now it's just a stopover to (hopefully) bigger, brighter and more interesting things.

Coming home is actually like a prison term ending. I have to rebuild my life here, remember the routines left long since, and settle back into the normalcy of my situation. Yeah, there would be no coffee at 3 a.m., neither maggi nor parantha. There would not be a Siby and Deepti in the canteen to meet up with at odd hours. No Manan to tranfer songs to. NO Surya's room to stop by, and no RIcha to bitch with. No Chakri to frantically buzz for help. No Paro screaming Shubiiiiii and no Parry distributing gyan whether I needed it or not.
No Vimal and his antics (god, he is such a rockstar!), no Mahesh and our fights (although he is still keeping at it through gtalk and shitload of work!), no Anoopda and our card fights,No Shreyan and his womanizer jokes, no Tanvi and our little discussion- no anything!.
No TI, no mess, no Acadblock, no melting pot, no parties, no drinking, no internet in my house!!!
Yeah, life was normal for sure!!

I got to doing the things I didnt in Indore. Like read newspapers ( I read around 6 a day now!), like watching TV (which is such an eyesore anyway!), reading fiction (did I miss that or what!!), going to the local mall for movies on big screen (nothing beats dolby surround sound!).
Like smsing people i would meet within a dozen metres of my room. Like going for walks every morning. Like missing campus like crazy!

Yeah, I am in transit. Yeah, there is this strict clampdown on 'unrespectable things' here at home. True, most of my friends are not here, and the ones here are mostly not friends.
But it's still home. The unfamiliarity goes away in days. You then realize those 2 years that were so special because they were exceptions. Nothing comes close to being home. To the comfort, to the security, to the familair faces, and to the normalcy.

Yeah, I am so glad to be back. Even if it for 2 months.

'Guru Bhai'

2007-01-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

We went to watch Mani Ratnam's 'Guru' today....loads of us together packed in the same cinema hall...

Mani Ratnam is brilliant, if you ask me....I dont remember one movie of his which didnt leave a lasting impression...okay, so 'Dil se' was a little half baked and definitely awkwardly concluded....I adore the rest....Yuva, for example (although having an exaggerated climax) was so true to the idealistic life our fathers had thought of back home in Bengal, that I would so relate to it....the notion of clinging onto the idea of being the Jesus of the masses...of being rich and brilliant and talented, and purposelessly so ...and finding your passion in trying to change the world...I love the romantic ring to it, and the fact that I have heard so many stories about it in my childhood....

Anyway, the movie 'Guru' is almost entirely based on the life of Dhirubhai Ambani...the main protagonist is also called GuruBhai...its a story of one man on a mission, and in a hurry to get there...he wanted to do 'biznisss' (with the god awful gujju accent)...and his life was determined by profits made...shrewd and extremely cunning about subverting rules and license raj regulations ....he had interesting ideas of going against rules, man....of buying 6 spinning machines and 6 as spare machines, not paying duty on the spare 6...and then using them in the factory as normal machines anyway, doubling output...ingenously unscrupulous!...

But India adored him. He was the darling of the masses, mainlly because he showed them the glory of profit-making. Indians used to look down on such commercial pursuits as running after profits and all that...banias and traders were necessarily uncouth and unsphisticated and greedy...it was an almost an insult, being called a bania....

But he made making money appear romantic...that unabashed pursuit of growth and returns is the way to get to your dreams....India woke to a totally different agenda....

When stories of his shady deals and underhandedness came to the picture, there was public outcry....India does claim to have an exalted sense of morality....but once he was exonerated to an extent, the adulation came back and came back stronger.....he was every aspiring middle class guy's hero...and he was protrayed like that in the movie....

About the movie, I loved the first half....the narration is always free flowing...the events very very clearly linked....and the characted are consistent and well fleshed out....every one has enough to do, and they fit seamless with the narrative...actually, you dont judge Mani Ratnam by these factors anymore...I think he has gone beyond that....

The acting, well... Abhishek Bachchan is a ROCK STAR..he is brilliant in the movie....no one could have done it better, I think..his gait, his mannerisms, his dailogue delivery, his gestures..I think they were awesome...and of course, Madhavan-sure, smart, confident and very very calm....very neat performance....Surprise!!.. Mithun Chakravarti, awesome turn as the upright editor of the independant who loved GuruBhai but fought him in public over his scruples...I dont know why Indian Cinema doesnt afford roles of such meat to people of his age and experience...my god would they be a treat to watch....

Among the women, I really like Vidya Balan....I think she is funky and smart and not self conscious...she's someone I would like to hang out kinds...very small role, mainly as a counter to Madhavan in his crusade against Guru...but good enough potrayal of a lively, chirpy girl suffering from multiple sclerosis disorder.... Ash, well...it surprises me how much she gets to cry in every movie man....its like she is every director's favourite actress when it comes to spraying out emotions....the role didnt demand much, and she did it okay....actually, I am not a great fan of hers...I think she feeds off her looks too much and she takes it as her duty and her obligation to be extra feminine and graceful....you cant do that, and yet be believable, you know...

Anyway, Ishu raised this question that if this guy is so unscrupulous, then why did the mass adore him anyway?...

Good question, methinks...my take on it....he had introduced India to the charms of making money and having vision ...and that too, really quickly...people soon realized that money is a means to happiness..or at least, marrying you daughter off or buying your car to make your lives easier....and he made the money for them...and he was one of them, a coming-from-nowhere bum chum who takes over the industrial world...he fought the original family wealth patriachs...somethign everyone in newly independant India wanted to do....he had a romantic, aspirational halo to himself...he became everyone's favorite success story...obviously, people in important positions wanted him to be exposed and wanted his spiral to curb....but the masses wanted to believe this was possisble without any shadow of doubt...they wanted to believe him, and so when he was exonerated, they fell right back on his lap....his story has the same irrationality that adds the spice to every Indian story worth telling...and a very good one at that...

Now, after writing loads on Gurubhai, I shall go on and research on DhiruBhai...I want to know more about the man who is an icon beyond comparison in India....I know very general stuff about him, but now it seems his life is worth knowing more about..

Tata!

'Whats your status?'- Part II

2007-01-08T19:03:00.000-08:00

You find inspiration in a variety of places
In city buildings, or in people's faces
In the cradle of nature
Or in status and stature
In what you do, or where you go
What inspires you, you never know!

Gtalk has this wonderful little feature called status msges...you get to put words, lines, poems, quotes, commentary, dialogues , anything..right alongside your name and your picture..damn cool, like a personal hoarding of sorts....and its customizable..you can write what you feel today, what happened yesterday, who said what, any poem you liked, any thing you wrote yourself....you want to announce something, well, you go right ahead!!....all our fest organizers use it sometimes to declare or announce events and all....so, its cool...

sometime back, i got this panic attack to write.....not just anything, but specifically for status msges...its like a regular chornicler for me.....i would write them, and buzz my friends and ask them to check them out..shameless self promotion...in a way its written for me by me, but i would solicit some praise and some comments through them...:P.... and the friends generously did what i asked them also..too cool!

i have them all saved, and here they are.....if anything or anyone of them is reproduced, i shall seriosly sue for copyright violations...you cant take away from me what may be a major revenue earner for me in the future.... :)

The first: This was written when one of my juniors was in acute discplinary problems...he was going to be expelled for sure, for a crime which was as myriad as they come....its the randomness of everything which made me write the poem...and i quite like the ring to it...and guess what...a friend in SP Jain management school actually had this as her status msg for some time...and when i enquired where she got it from, she said she got t from a friend who got it from one other friend who got it from another....so basically, its spreading!!!.....:)

Life like’s that,
A pat on the back,
A shrug of the shoulder,
A big trouble holder,
A twinkle in an eye,
A deep deep sigh,
A person you love,
A wonder treasure trove,
A choice too many,
A bet on a penny,
A wish so true,
A missed chance to rue,
A tit for tat,
Life’s like that.

Second: Never mind the background, I simply like this little piece (grrrrrrr Siby!!!)

I don’t know what went wrong,
When all seemed to be on a song,
The song lost tune,
Cut, dry and prune,
Stranded on the street,
Skipping too many beats,
The hurt doesn’t end,
The words don’t bend,
You need to know why,
It’s this awry,
Answers don’t come,
Reasons, none,
You get up and go,
Think, ‘I loved him so’

I am not laying out any dope on this also....!!

It’s like the thought you can’t think,
It’s like the clue you can’t link,
It’s like the answer you can’t cheat,
Or the crush you can’t meet,
It’s the turn you can’t take,
Or the illness you can’t fake,
It’s the truth you can’t disown,
It’s like feelings you don’t own,
It’s like a habit you can’t give up,
It’s a mistake you can’t pull up,
You never know what it is,
And that’s the way you like it!

This one is for the only one who understands it in the world...i hope he reads it!

Beaches and Peaches,
Hits and Misses,
Honeys and Moneys,
Riders and Spiders,
Bonds and Ponds,
Girls and Pearls,
Goods and Hoods,
Thighs and Spies,
James and Fames,Asses and Lasses

Taking out the frustation of resumes submissions and placement talks and company analysis and thinking about the future, here is a piece in revolt. :)

Its war, isn’t it?
Looking to fit right in,
A race to the finish,
Aggression, the only wish,
Impression is key, friend,
Its like tactical points gained,
Friend or foe, no matter,
It’ your career on a platter,
Struggle, get ahead, compete,
Vie, impact, fight,
And in the midst of it,
Do try to meet and greet,
The person you are,
It’s is not that far,
Because tomorrow who knows,
You’ll have less friends than foes,
Then you might regret,
Missing yourself somewhere

The last one for now. This one was written in angr over a course's group meeting and all. Regular routing that is, but since i was in such a flow that time, even that became inspiration for a rather insipid peom...

Sometimes, the best thing to do,
Is to polish your own shoe,
Not look at the shine of others,
Or their mother and their fathers,
In the end, it’s your walk,
While others talk their talk,
So, rid the dirt stuck like glue,And polish your own shoe

2006-09-30T22:28:00.000-07:00

Love this song!!

Hanging by the moment- Lifehouse

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you

Durga Puja!

2006-09-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

Today is Navami, the last day of Durga Puja...and this is my second puja away from Home.
And guess what, I didnt feel a thing-none of the excitement, none of the anticipation and none of the energy that made these four days of puja the highlight of the year for us...being away from home takes away the annual ritualistic cyle...you begin to have a pieceameal approach to life....'hanging by the moment', eh?
For the uninitated, Durga Puja is THE festival for bengalis!...its the time of the year, when this almost dead race comes into a fresh lease on life. Its what is fuelling half of Calcutta's GDP anyway, and its the reason why every bengali household sends their child to learning singing, dancing and all such 'cultural pursuits' so that they can show their skills off at the local para function!
I was no different!..my mom would have her 3 trophy daughters all ready for the annual show, year on year!...singin, dancing, acting-you name it, we'd done it...had it been possible, we would have probably collected the dough, made the durga protima and done the puja ourselves!
But seriously, you need to visit Bengali-land for the pujas, its something to experience. Every nook and corner of every nook and corner has a puja of their own. And every pandal, is a statement. I mean, its amazing there so much creativity left in Bengal in spite of the all-stifling 29 years of Communist rule. Just a pointer to what we could have been and what we have become.....and change is always playing 'hard to get' with this ailing place!
All the babas and the mas out in their revelry, all the young ones out to see and be seen-its a show of the highest order. I am sure if you take a poll and see how many love stories started and ended during the pujas-you can beat 'A Suitable Boy' in size and drama!....Maddox Square is the haunt of the younsters, man....the average age of that place must be not more than 25 years...all those nearing 35 or more, slowly slink out of this haat of youth...they have been here way too often, and as if by natural selection they dont fit anymore!...
I dont miss Durga Puja, so much that I would do anything to go back....but the longing is just one notch lower than that!...I miss the people, my people...I miss cracking crazy jokes in Bengali in front of people you meet once in the year, at this time...I miss dressing up, compulsorily...and I miss my mom's food during this time...I miss hanging out with my sisters....I miss pandal hopping sitting atop a mill van, from 9p.m. to 9 a.m......I miss the festivity....I miss home...nothing can come close to the place you have grown up in....nothing can match the innocence of the memories...and nothing can take the place of the characters you saw around you!
This wasnt supposed to be this nostalgic....I thought I would write something about Durga Puja, since I am no longer in the thick of things...but lo!
Till next time, which hopefully will be sooner rather than later!

For a Friend- Mad Bizarre Morbid Asinine Head Expounds Senile Humor

2006-09-23T00:55:00.000-07:00

Its this batch mate of mine, he's a little crazy....
The letters within *s, they add up to form his name
We have been having this world-famous-in-IIM-Indore fight, which is quite silly, actually
See, when you fight, you actually admit that the exchange of words or whatever was a worthwhile exercise..
As in, you give him enough importance to actually bother reacting to his inanity
I don't...seriously
And here I explain why....
He is this spikey-haired finance afficianado, whose state of consciousness rises and fall with the stock market...
Nothing wrong with that, its perfectly normal when you have no interest, no hobby, no pursuit and absolutely no other distraction...
See, some people have been shortchanged by God....God is overworked, you see
He just passed by unnoticed......and landed up here to bug the hell out of perfectly peaceful talented people, of which club I am a bonafide member...!!
He is desperately clinging onto Manan, who is his neighbour and his only source of salvation...
All his music knowledge is derived from Manan's Playlist....all his rudimentary knowledge about everything beyond bulls and bears stems from that source
And ah yes, he has this blog which has like heavy-duty finance stuff...
The problem is, people definitely visit his site ( there are other sad people in the world, he's not alone--------actually he's not at all unique in that way also)....but they soon take the exit sign door quickly when they realize its Greek and Latin written in leisure time of a bored linguistically challenged pretender.
To you, honey....here's to our challenge
And if you answer back, or change your status msg, or make private blogs public....
Like the F*** I Care!!!

:D

The Day after...

2006-09-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

We had this rocking party 2 weeks ago, almost....(parties, that rare species!!)
and i drank wine like i had never drunk before....
Actually, that is true. I had never drank wine before till that day. And then I had around 5 glasses or so. I took Pawan's glass from him and drank his too.
And it hit me. See, I am not a regular at this game. And I have strange, though explicable, paranoias about drinking. Have avoided doing that forever, and dont particularly like that habit in people.
But coming to a management institution, especially this one, has almost rid me of all my inhibitions an reservations against drinking.....when you are not the one putting up the show of the evening, drunk and merry, its actually quite fun!!
So, whatever...
That night, I had my first hangover!!!
Or at least, I think so.....the usual much-heard-of symptoms were there....like a heavy heavy head....someone trying to bang down the innards of my head.....cant drag myself out of this little zone of inertia...yeah, classic hangover!!....
And the next day, we had a 9 o'clock class...which i surprisingly attended, and paid attention...
Well, not at all times...those momentary lapses of concentration led me and Shashi (who btw would win my vote for blogger of the year, only if he deigns to write one!!) wrote this piece of poetry down...
Piece of poetry..:D....I like that!...it wasnt meant to be that serious or that ingenous...it was fun, circumstantial and a cool way to not listen to class proceedings!
I reproduce it here, so that its easy for me to get nostalgic later on...

Shashi's Part

'I wake up. I drink some wine.
Open my eyes and check the time.
And the ghosts that lingered in my room.
Look at the light in my eyes and fade from view;

But there's nowhere to run or hide
When I have to step outside.
Crazy little battles fought on the streets
You smile and you wave as you retreat.
And I step into my skin
I'd ask you where have you been.'

My humble and not that interesting follow-up ( and believe me, I think modesty is an over-rated virtue!)

'The hammer beats down on my groggy head
The resounding remnants of the last few pegs
For a few hours, did you and me part
You, all polite and peace; me, the hedonistic upstart!

I can't say, the parting was with grief
I stepped out of the ordinary for that moment brief
But now when you settle back into your place
I sit down tight, and quit the chase...'

Appreciation is welcome, criticiam forewarned!

Cheers!

Here I am !!

2006-06-25T04:34:00.000-07:00

A long sabbatical it sure has been!!

and anyway, i have always been spontaneous, to the extent of being too impulsive and irregular....
its always, as and when and what i feel like doing.....i hate compulsions!
but i reliazed that i aint edison or newton or vivekananda who let their greatness ooze out spontaneously, now.
I guess a little rigour would do no harm, and impulsiveness can be curtailed also
so, a new post.....and dedicated to the 'Wanderer, who wandered onto my site and put in a encouraging post.........
wanderer, i cant get rid of these dots .....its just that i write as i think, and its my way of showing the conjunction between the two.....i hope i will come up with something different sometime, but till then, it continues!
see you'll later!

2006-03-17T01:17:00.000-08:00

the best idiosyncrasies i have some across....................!!

my dad always chews his collar when mom is fighting with him...............
when collars are unavailable, he chews newspapers............whatever it takes to divert attention from this woman who always makes too much sense!!
my grandmother ( one of the many, dont ask the exact genealogical relation) had a habit of climbing down pipes and running away when things at home turned that wee bit uncomfortable.........
a friend ( still pondering over whether or not i should take her name!) pinches anyone at arm's length, whenever she sees chocolate-y things coming her way......cadbury's, you just found yourself a brand ambassador!
my mom's uncle always made sure all communism-opposers went back with a black eye............i would have joined the club, had my mother not come in as my divine intervention!!
an uncle, though i loath to call him that, jumps down on his knees and touches his forehead to the ground whenever a dead person is being carried on a wooden bed or whenever the ubiquitous cow deigns to come within ten feet of his pious self!
my nephew sleeps with his butt in the air, and he couldnt look cuter even if he tried!

2006-03-17T01:04:00.000-08:00

If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

‘If’-by Rudyard Kipling
Rome was not built in a day
It takes millennia for mountains to raise their majestic heads.
It takes hundreds of years for history to repeat itself.
It takes two centuries to shrug off foreign invaders.
It takes decades for wars to end
It takes even more to make a name in the corporate battlefield
It takes years to extract sporting revenge.
It takes months for technology to break new ground
It takes days for stock markets to turn upside down
Or for friendships to unravel in surprising ways
A huge amount of time and even more effort is behind all them few inspired moments when dreams to come true,
All those handful of propitious moments, when your future dons new hues.
But the end always justifies the means.
One remembers the splendor of the mountains
One rues the lessons learnt from history
The taste of independence is forever the most satisfying
There never can be better pointers than wars.
Or bigger achievements than success in the corporate sphere.
Revenge never tastes sweeter than when you wait years for it.
Technology changes all equations when it is finally developed.
There are never better opportunities than stock market fluctuations
Or never better investments than tested friendships.
And never a bigger high than your hard work paying off, and your dreams turn into reality.

'If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;If you can meet with Triumph and DisasterAnd treat those two impostors just the same'

why this post??......its because i needed motivation.....i needed to infuse some life into my life........i probably will post this a long time after i write this, as is my habit.....but it still holds true, and it always will......
all i wanted to prove to myself is that there is always a happy ending....however long it might take, the end always surprises you, pleasantly too...........or, at least, you make peace with what comes your way.......for some time now, questions have been eating me up.....and answers seem ages away.......i cant for the life of me make peace with myself...........i still cant understand how long it is supposed to take to sit down and have a cup of relaxed tea with myself and my thoughts.......and till i can do that, i consider myself as a 'nowhere'
person...........my mom used to say, the moment you become comfortable, you lose your motive to live..........the very restlessness is supposed to be your driver in life...........interesting, though............
but once, a friend, in quite a tumultous time in his life, looked up and pleaded...'how long do i have to fight??..........how much harder do i have to suffer?......when will this end??.....how will this end?'......although i am quoting him totally out of context, but these funny things called words are the most malleable of them all..............they tend to fit into diametrically different situations.......amen to that!!

its gonna get you........

2005-12-11T19:46:00.001-08:00

its always amazing when you first get that rush.......
the time when you feel, that, finally there might be more than i, me, myself...........and my family
you feel attached, even though there might not be any chroniclable reason for being so.........
you feel dependant, much to your own chagrin..........
why, would you ask??................no one knows why.........its apparently meant to be that way!
you want to run towards, although you very well know it doesnt matter
you want to hide behind, even when you know the danger is not that prime.......
you to reach for, even if out of touch-and-feel..........
your want might at one stage turn into need.............but that's always a function of time..........
i hate my guts sometimes.....i hate it that i cant moderate myself and all that comes with it........
i am a person of extremes, never of indifference........
i am genuine, but uncomfortably so........i dont want myself exposed to the elements, but i invariably am......
maybe i'l learn, and i will never know that i am learning........its gonna be an intrinsic process, totally..........amen to that, cos i am tired of trying hard at everything........i just wish sometimes, that god was a little kinder to me.......that i did not have to fight for everything i have, that i did not have to live in fear of losing what i have gained just because i thought the fight to have it was over.............sometimes, just sometimes, luck would say, you dont worry girl, i will come right around................sometimes, just.............
i am not unhappy now, not also overwhelmed.......it just happens to be the truth and happens to be what i feel................
anyway, end terms on us again................
and this is called 'time-waste'.........such is such..........
till there is no guillotine over my head,
cheerio!

its gonna get you........

2005-12-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

2005-12-11T06:04:00.000-08:00

why do we study only at the last moment??

exams are near
fear o! fear
nothing's done, dear
alarm bells,can you hear??

with fin all over my mind
and qt, looking for space to find
om also to do, would you be so kind
and mac completes our very own grind!

no soccer any more
no days two and movies four
no avoiding this feeling sore
of having to dodge every other lure!

its a week of cry
then its goodbye
to the drudgery we cant defy
and then a chance to let go and soar high!

i know its really juvenile, even sidey, if you decide to be thruthful to me.....but trust me, some hours of 'call and put' options does have the effect of burning out your grey cells.....the fcat that i am blogging rite here rite now, is an incredible feat and a testament to my inspiring enthusiasm, believe me!!.......
its a sad cycle, when you only jump for the key-board because your mind is overloaded......but hey, its a start, rite?......who knows, maybe i'll develop into a good writer of angst-ridden pieces......not going by this marvellous piece, of course.....i promise, i will get better, and thank you for the chance!
gtg, someone is waiting to teach me finance.......and guess what, i am dodging him too!
aint i predictable, or what!!
and surya, i know you'll read this........you're an inspiration, honey
this is to you, studette
good bye and god bless
till i scrap again!

moa!

2005-12-01T01:30:00.000-08:00

often have i wondered to what extent your life is your own.....
is it your parents'?
can your friends lay their claims?
your relatives, where do they fit in??
and people you deem special, how about them??
for as long as i remember, i have always tried to maintain that wee bit of distance from everyone, because i never really wanted to give anyone the power to ever hurt me.....
my pain would then be sourced only to me, and somehow the helplessness would then be less......
and then i left home......
in the midst of strangers, and away from your family, you start looking for support systems......
people around you become family....
and trials and tribulations follow.....
now i get affected with what someone says or some other person does......
now i judge myself even more severely.......
things have changed, and how
the ice maiden, now has come home to warmer climes.......
and is left wondering whether the ice was all temporary in the first place............
its one of the rare moments when i even get to think nowadays...
its all such a whirlwind, a mad dash.....
earlier, i had the luxury of mulling over everything, including studies
now its always open and shut, and the portion's done..,...
i think that's what you mean by growing up
you get a chance to think in leisure,and decide, opinionate, conjecture and figure out......
nothing beats the wonderful feeling of that sense of realization dawning on you.....its thrilling!!
but once the world decides you're through with that process, it throws stuff at you at a speed that makes it all incomprehensible..........
now its usually reaction.....
and yes, i still dont get why i get to writing only when i feel overwhelmed with stuff around me
its almost like writing is my personal therapy,my expression is my shrink
hopefully, habits do and will change and there will be more coming up from the usually sunnier me.......
amen to that!

my first post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

its kinda weird, sitting in my hostel room, writing my first post
lemme say why
i have an end term exam tomorrow, i havent touched a page of the text book
its 4 in the morn, so i have no time to touch the book anyway......
its a 2 credit course, and i am in an iim, the mecca of business education in india, competiion rules!
and what's worse, i refuse to feel any guilt over it......it somehow seems a little inconsequential to me rite now....
there are so many things flitting thru my mind rite now...
its funny why and how i never got down to blogging before
at least i made a start.....
this is my introductory post, and an almost inconherent one i presume..........
definitely more comin up, so i hopefully will get better!
amen to that
ciao

moi

Operational Risk!!

'Spit'ting Headache!

From the desk of a corporate woman

Back home.....

'Guru Bhai'

'Whats your status?'- Part II

Durga Puja!

For a Friend- *M*ad *B*izarre *M*orbid *A*sinine *H*ead *E*xpounds *S*enile *H*umor

The Day after...

Here I am !!

its gonna get you........

its gonna get you........

my first post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For a Friend- Mad Bizarre Morbid Asinine Head Expounds Senile Humor