its gonna get you........

its always amazing when you first get that rush.......
the time when you feel, that, finally there might be more than i, me, myself...........and my family
you feel attached, even though there might not be any chroniclable reason for being so.........
you feel dependant, much to your own chagrin..........
why, would you ask??................no one knows why.........its apparently meant to be that way!
you want to run towards, although you very well know it doesnt matter
you want to hide behind, even when you know the danger is not that prime.......
you to reach for, even if out of touch-and-feel..........
your want might at one stage turn into need.............but that's always a function of time..........
i hate my guts sometimes.....i hate it that i cant moderate myself and all that comes with it........
i am a person of extremes, never of indifference........
i am genuine, but uncomfortably so........i dont want myself exposed to the elements, but i invariably am......
maybe i'l learn, and i will never know that i am learning........its gonna be an intrinsic process, totally..........amen to that, cos i am tired of trying hard at everything........i just wish sometimes, that god was a little kinder to me.......that i did not have to fight for everything i have, that i did not have to live in fear of losing what i have gained just because i thought the fight to have it was over.............sometimes, just sometimes, luck would say, you dont worry girl, i will come right around................sometimes, just.............
i am not unhappy now, not also overwhelmed.......it just happens to be the truth and happens to be what i feel................
anyway, end terms on us again................
and this is called 'time-waste'.........such is such..........
till there is no guillotine over my head,
cheerio!