its gonna get you........

its always amazing when you first get that rush.......
the time when you feel, that, finally there might be more than i, me, myself...........and my family
you feel attached, even though there might not be any chroniclable reason for being so.........
you feel dependant, much to your own chagrin..........
why, would you ask??................no one knows why.........its apparently meant to be that way!
you want to run towards, although you very well know it doesnt matter
you want to hide behind, even when you know the danger is not that prime.......
you to reach for, even if out of touch-and-feel..........
your want might at one stage turn into need.............but that's always a function of time..........
i hate my guts sometimes.....i hate it that i cant moderate myself and all that comes with it........
i am a person of extremes, never of indifference........
i am genuine, but uncomfortably so........i dont want myself exposed to the elements, but i invariably am......
maybe i'l learn, and i will never know that i am learning........its gonna be an intrinsic process, totally..........amen to that, cos i am tired of trying hard at everything........i just wish sometimes, that god was a little kinder to me.......that i did not have to fight for everything i have, that i did not have to live in fear of losing what i have gained just because i thought the fight to have it was over.............sometimes, just sometimes, luck would say, you dont worry girl, i will come right around................sometimes, just.............
i am not unhappy now, not also overwhelmed.......it just happens to be the truth and happens to be what i feel................
anyway, end terms on us again................
and this is called 'time-waste'.........such is such..........
till there is no guillotine over my head,
cheerio!

its gonna get you........

why do we study only at the last moment??


exams are near
fear o! fear
nothing's done, dear
alarm bells,can you hear??

with fin all over my mind
and qt, looking for space to find
om also to do, would you be so kind
and mac completes our very own grind!

no soccer any more
no days two and movies four
no avoiding this feeling sore
of having to dodge every other lure!

its a week of cry
then its goodbye
to the drudgery we cant defy
and then a chance to let go and soar high!


i know its really juvenile, even sidey, if you decide to be thruthful to me.....but trust me, some hours of 'call and put' options does have the effect of burning out your grey cells.....the fcat that i am blogging rite here rite now, is an incredible feat and a testament to my inspiring enthusiasm, believe me!!.......
its a sad cycle, when you only jump for the key-board because your mind is overloaded......but hey, its a start, rite?......who knows, maybe i'll develop into a good writer of angst-ridden pieces......not going by this marvellous piece, of course.....i promise, i will get better, and thank you for the chance!
gtg, someone is waiting to teach me finance.......and guess what, i am dodging him too!
aint i predictable, or what!!
and surya, i know you'll read this........you're an inspiration, honey
this is to you, studette
good bye and god bless
till i scrap again!

moa!

often have i wondered to what extent your life is your own.....
is it your parents'?
can your friends lay their claims?
your relatives, where do they fit in??
and people you deem special, how about them??
for as long as i remember, i have always tried to maintain that wee bit of distance from everyone, because i never really wanted to give anyone the power to ever hurt me.....
my pain would then be sourced only to me, and somehow the helplessness would then be less......
and then i left home......
in the midst of strangers, and away from your family, you start looking for support systems......
people around you become family....
and trials and tribulations follow.....
now i get affected with what someone says or some other person does......
now i judge myself even more severely.......
things have changed, and how
the ice maiden, now has come home to warmer climes.......
and is left wondering whether the ice was all temporary in the first place............
its one of the rare moments when i even get to think nowadays...
its all such a whirlwind, a mad dash.....
earlier, i had the luxury of mulling over everything, including studies
now its always open and shut, and the portion's done..,...
i think that's what you mean by growing up
you get a chance to think in leisure,and decide, opinionate, conjecture and figure out......
nothing beats the wonderful feeling of that sense of realization dawning on you.....its thrilling!!
but once the world decides you're through with that process, it throws stuff at you at a speed that makes it all incomprehensible..........
now its usually reaction.....
and yes, i still dont get why i get to writing only when i feel overwhelmed with stuff around me
its almost like writing is my personal therapy,my expression is my shrink
hopefully, habits do and will change and there will be more coming up from the usually sunnier me.......
amen to that!